What Can Sportacus Do?
by Chiba Apey
Summary: This is for like m old. I hope she likey. The kids are curious after discovering their favorite aboveaverage hero can knit. What else can he do well? Rated T for safety.


AN: This is just another small attempt at fanfiction via a silly idea past midnight. I apologize ahead of time as I am painfully unaware of skateboarding lingo despite having been to several X-games.

Disclaimer: I don't own the show and characters therein. Neither do I own the Big Pink Boomboxtm. But this silly idea is all mine, baby!

What Can Sportacus Do?

By Chiba Apey

Stephanie was lugging her Big Pink Boomboxtm to the park sometime after Sportacus had regained his memory and shipped Robbie back home. When she went to set the stereo down on the wall, she spied Sportacus still standing under the tree. Trixie and Pixel were already in the park practicing their moves to the tunes on Pixel's iPod so she called them over. "Hey Trixie, what's Sportacus up to?"

Trixie didn't even look up. "I think he was clearing away that branch that Robbie broke and the ridiculously long scarf that he landed on."

"Scarf?" Stephanie hauled herself up on the wall to look. Indeed, under the tree lie an enormous white and blue scarf that Sportacus was currently winding around and around and around to form a ball. Pretty soon he was finished and he looked up.

"Laundry chute!" he shouted. A long tube came down from his airship and sucked the scarf right out of his arms. "Chute up!" The tube retracted back into the ship and Sportacus turned around, ready to leap off to another adventure – or something…

"Sportacus!" cried the smitten girl.

"Stephanie!" replied the bouncy semi-super-hero. He bounded over to where she sat on the wall and struck a hero-ish pose.

Stephanie smiled sweetly and pointed behind him. "Where d'ya get that ridiculously long scarf?"

"I knitted it," said Sportacus proudly, retaining his heroic pose.

From behind them Trixie could be heard laughing her butt off and sputtering the incredulous exclamation "knitting!" along with the occasional snort. Stephanie gave her a moment to regain her breath before speaking again. "Y'know, Sportacus, that's a little weird. The only other person I know that knits is my grandmother."

Sportacus put a hand to his chest in offense. "I'll have you know that most above-average heroes know their way around textiles. How else would we get these nice costumes?"

"Really?" asked Pixel, "I thought that superheroes were only super about saving people."

Sportacus smiled, his pale-blue eyes twinkling mischievously with the air of I-know-something-you-don't-know. "I can do more than that! There's more to being above-average hero than exercising and saving people."

"Well, you help get everyone in Lazytown moving," said Stephanie, "Isn't that your job as the 'Sport Elf'?"

Sportacus began gesturing, complete with sporty sound effects. "Yes, but I can do much more than that. You like to dance, but there are other things you do than just dance, right?"

"Yeah, I guess there are!" smiled Stephanie, "I like to bake and write in my diary and play baseball and read and work in the garden and –"

"And you, Pixel," said Sportacus, cutting her off mid-flow, "You know all about computers, but we've seen you emerge from the cocoon of your room to hang out and play."

"Yeah, that's right!" nodded Pixel, "I helped build the treehouse!"

Sportacus turned to the third member of the group. "And Trixie is an insufferable little brat but she's been known to share and help out on occasion."

Trixie jumped up. "Yeah, I – hey!"

"So, of _course_ I can do other things," finished Sportacus crossing his arms.

The three kids looked at him blankly for a moment. Then a light bulb went off in Stephanie's brain and she gasped. "I know, we should test Sportacus to see what else he's really, really good at!"

"What a great idea!" cheered the other two.

Sportacus blinked. "Wait – what?"

But Stephanie was on a roll. "Pixel, go get your GameStationtm and stuff. Trixie, go get the stuff in the treehouse."

Some time later all three of them were standing in the middle of the park surrounded by various pieces of equipment of different natures. Pixel had a monitor set up that was wirelessly connected to his home computer that would feed them suggestions of things to test Sportacus with based on the games in his database. Everyone eagerly awaited the computer's first suggestion amidst the noisy whirrs and clunks of the Frankensteinian hard drive. "First suggestion!" called Pixel, pulling up a window on the jumbo screen. "Danse Danse Coup D'etat! The computer will show the dance moves as combinations on the screen and Sportacus has to perform them on that mat."

"I can do that," smiled Sportacus, hopping onto the mat. "Let's go, Pixel."

The machine started up some random Europop song and Sportacus began shaking his groove thing. As the song sped up, so did Sportacus, never missing a twist or a change. Finally the song ended and out came a man's voice. "Super-cool danse! Vous gangez!"

"He did it!" exclaimed Pixel, "Perfect score!"

"Next!" said Trixie, pulling up another window on Pixel's computer. "Let's try Andy Eagle Skateboarding Street-style. Sportacus just has to jump on that skateboard and do all the moves the computer shows him."

"I can do that," said Sportacus, already jumping on the skateboard. He hopped the wall and was off like a flash down the street, Pixel shouting commands after him.

"Turn!" Sportacus spun.

"Board twist!" Sportacus hopped off the board in midair and it spun a few times before he landed back on it.

"Rail slide!" Sportacus hopped up the handrail of the nearest set of steps.

"High vert air!" Sportacus raced up a nearby ramp and held onto the end, letting his feet hit the air before landing and coming back towards the kids.

"Rock on, that was so cool, Sportacus!" cheered Trixie.

"That was so awesome, I can't believe it," sighed Stephanie.

"Next challenge," said Pixel, "Kung-fu Creatures from Outer Space Part Two. Stand in the middle of those sensors and exercise your kung-fu moves to defeat the baddies on the screen."

"I can do that." It was hardly any time at all before Sportacus had laid waste to every kung-fu creature the game could throw at him. He dusted himself off and called to his ship for some water. "C'mon guys, this is easy."

Stephanie grinned and walked over to the computer. "Here's a good one, "JamPlayer 9000. Pick up that guitar and rock out in sync with the notes on the screen."

"I can do that." Sportacus picked up the guitar and plugged in the cord, putting his foot up on the amp in a very rock star pose. Pretty soon he was blasting out a solo even better than Eddie Van Halen. The kids were floored and somewhere on the other side of the park Robbie Rotten's hand stuck out of a mailbox holding a Bic lighter.

Trixie shook herself out of her stupor and went back to the computer. "There's gotta be _something_ that he can't do!"

The kids spent the rest of the day going through every game in Pixel's computer trying to challenge the above average hero.

Surfing. "I can do that."

Sky diving. "I can do that."

Light saber dueling. "I can do that."

Golfing. "I can do that."

Beach volleyball. "I can do that."

Curling. "I can do that."

Creative anachronism. "I can do that."

Barbie dress-up. "I can do that."

NASCAR racing. "I can do that."

Hibachi grilling. "I can do that."

It was starting to get dark when the kids finally had to stop. They hadn't even been the ones challenged and yet they were so worn out! "Is there anything else we haven't done, Pixel?" asked Stephanie, looking about ready to collapse.

"Just one more," said Pixel. "I'm not sure what it is. I got it awhile back when I ordered every game coming out in the month of June online. It has an 'AO' rating on it, but I'm not sure what that means." He pressed some buttons on the console and up popped the game. Strange moaning sounds were coming from the screen and some other unrecognizable noise. The kids all crowded around the screen to see what the last challenge was.

Pixel's eyes crossed.

Trixie shrieked and ran.

Stephanie passed out.

Sportacus twisted his moustache thoughtfully with his head cocked to the side. "I could do that," he nodded.

AN: AH hahahahaha! I am so evil. Yay, me. Let me know what you thought.


End file.
